What exactly is a lesbian stud/AG?

Aggressives DVD cover


This question (or some variation of it) consistently attracts visitors to my blog. Several months ago I wrote an entry entitled Stud 4 stud, Femme 4 femme, are you a gay lesbian? etc. It got a lot of feedback on Twitter and Facebook so I’ve decided to write a new piece to piggyback and hopefully satisfy those who are searching and wondering what an AG is or what a stud dresses like.

With all that being said, I’m going to assume that those who are seeking answers to these questions are either young and new to ‘the life,’ or are from a different region and are just curious about the terms of their fellow lesbanians!

 An AG (Aggressive) and stud are both descriptions of lesbians who are more on the tomboy side of things when it comes to manner of dress and gender expression. She may be smooth GQ or she may be more urban—baggy jeans, baseball caps, etc. Either way, this is the box most people speak of when they’re talking about AGs and studs. I’m not going to get into sexual roles because I believe that is personal and unique to each woman. Also, I don’t believe intimate pleasures should be restricted or bound because of what on “expects” an AG or stud to do because of how she chooses to dress and express herself.

Unfortunately, a lot of younger urban lesbians tend to believe they must dress and behave this way if they’re naturally attracted to more feminine women—mimicking heterosexual relationship models of masculine/feminine pairing. To be honest, I once fell into this box. Well, to be more honest, it was actually a little bit of the following: 1) My attraction was to feminine women 2) If I dressed like a ‘girly girl‘ I would attracting studs, AGs and butches, all of whom I had no desire to attract and 3) I had self-esteem issues and felt more comfortable in bigger clothes because I felt safer and less noticed. I will admit that I have always been more comfortable in a hat and jeans than a skirt or dress, always trying to be like my one brother rather than any of my four sisters. But I’ve reached a level of comfort and maturity that I feel A-okay in either attire (except bikinis and such, that’s still a no-no:). To live in a box that only matters to a few (the urban LGBTQ community) is not for me. Through continuous improvement of self and being lucky enough to have the wife that I have, I am very secure and content with my ability to be versatile. I go about my days according to how I feel. Sometimes it’s more masculine and sometimes it’s more feminine. The point is that I dress for me and I hope that you will too.

Never continue to befriend people who are insensitive and closed-minded because they will only keep you where you are rather than encourage you to grow and define yourself. Don’t tolerate people who make jokes and make you feel less than because of your style. They will suck the joy out of your life if you allow them to. If feminine women is type of women you like then you’ll love the ones who accept you as you are and care more about what’s in your heart than what kind of sneakers you’re wearing.

For a deeper look at AGs you, might want to check out the documentary  “The Aggressives.”

  1. Sondra left a comment on April 19, 2010 at 4:38 pm

    Cheril…I am what you might call a late bloomer.  I am 56 and I just came out about 3 years ago.  I have 3 adult children and I made sure that they were ok before I did anything else.  I met someone about 2 years ago and we hit it off fast and to make a long story short we have just broken up.  After reading your blog I realized that I let myself settle for someone I should have just been good friends with.  I really want that someone special in my life for the rest of my lifetime but I find myself a little gun shy now.  I have just now found your website and I feel really comfortable in asking you what should I do now? 

  2. Pam left a comment on July 22, 2011 at 5:15 am

    I am feminine, the girl next door cheer leader type. I am not attracted to other femme women but, only the stud or butch type. I wear thongs and she wears boxers. In my case, opposites attract. my current girlfriend is from the inner city and dresses very urban and, I am small town, deep south and like tight jeans and tops for daily wear and skirts and dresses when we go out. I don’t know if the relationship will last but, so far, it’s going great. speaking of opposites attracting, we are an interracial couple and, she is a lot older than I am. We are moving in together next month. wish us luck

  3. Pam left a comment on July 22, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Thanks Cheryl, I am just dreading the day when she meets my parents.

  4. diane left a comment on May 14, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Now things is just different for me. I been in the game as long as i can remember. I’m 38yrs old and i’m the girlie type, i’m attractive to the more aggressive stud or butch with a cuute face.The hold swag about them turns me on. I’m a thick girl, thick in all the right places and i attract alot of younger studs and a few butches.I’m currently in a relationship with a younger stud 10years difference. After 2mths of knowing each other we are engaged to be married. She makes me happy and who to say their isn’t love at first site, i’m living proof its out there. Just don’t settle for anything just know what you want and it will come.

  5. Dree left a comment on September 7, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Im not a stud or butch I just lie wearing guy clothes like cargo pant and guy jackets… I’m attracted to this one girl but I don’t think she likes me… I don’t know what to do

  6. Deon left a comment on February 1, 2013 at 2:16 am

    I am a 46yr old fem with a 5yr relationship I love my woman to death i have a 2 yr old little girl ( godchild) which I’m raising my girl feels like I put her last and as she says I put her last when it come to anything or anybody but I don’t at this point I don’t no what to do HELP! !!!!!

  7. anne cowan left a comment on May 23, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    if you like raising a child, stop being with womyn who don’t have a clue about parenthood. They are really, really immature, I know from experience. They will make you miserable because they will want you to choose between the child and her. They really have no clue most of the time what being a responsible, feminine and/or maternal woman is like and they fight it and criticize it.

  8. I just got done reading your article, and really enjoyed it, thank you. You can see some fun books at http://www.fun2readbooks.com where you can also hear the girls read the stories for the same price as a paperback book, but they are reading exotic sexy stories that will get you going!

  9. Lupe left a comment on January 17, 2014 at 8:52 am

    ThankYou Cheril for writing this article .
    I know you posted this in 2010 but I just read it & loved what you said in regards to the stud mentality. I can totally relate to what you wrote I feel much better that there are people who I can relate to.

  10. Jennifer D left a comment on October 13, 2015 at 12:38 pm

    I enjoy your article I myself like to switch up how i feel when I dress. But my ex now who stills live with me we 10yrs apart an she has a 5month old that I been their since birth. We was very different an stay arguing cause her temple is quick. She loves studs which she didn’t say at the beginning of us talking but I like to switch up an very sweet person take care of lil man which i call my son.

  11. Lisa left a comment on January 20, 2016 at 6:29 am

    I am 50 years and decided to stop living for other people and be true to me; I am attracted to studs. I went on a few dates with someone I really like and we seem to hit it off but she keeps pulling and then pushing me away on some imagined impression she came up with (ex; I don’t call but text her all day, so I’m not really interested). It’s making me tired constantly trying to reassure her that I’m interested, I want to date for a few months and really get to know her, she takes that to mean lack of interest. Let me also say we have been chatting for a few years, but she would stop chatting with me once her ex called and wanted to give it another try. Im just being cautious. Am I bashing my head against a window or what???? Can someone help with some advice?

    • Thanks for commenting. All I can say is if it feels wrong then it probably is. Trust your gut and do what it tells you even if it seems difficult. Good luck.

  12. Crystal left a comment on April 18, 2019 at 1:06 am

    Im a stud i like fems i just got out of a 13 year relationship about a year ago im in another relationship now for 2 years i love her so much i want to marry her she makes me happy we happy together but she’s married

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