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How to Find the Perfect Life Partner, Stay in Love and Make it Last (Part 1) – Cheril N. Clarke’s blog

How to Find the Perfect Life Partner, Stay in Love and Make it Last (Part 1)



Have you ever heard someone say, “I just keep meeting the wrong people,” or, “falling in love is easy, staying in it is hard,” or even asking, “where should I go to meet someone?” Have you wondered these thoughts to yourself at some time? I’m sure a great number of us have. What is it that makes some people appear to effortlessly live happily ever after while others find themselves in a cycle of one unsuccessful relationship after another? Why is one group getting it right while the other has difficulty?

It’s not because “all women are unstable or “all men are dogs.”  And it’s not because love is complicated. On the contrary, the laws of love are simple and concrete. They are inflexible and certain. In all of its forms, love is the truth, and the truth is always simple and uncomplicated. Love is honesty with self and all who we come in contact with. It is when people do not take the time to get to know themselves and their true desires, when people choose to ignore their intuition when it tells them something isn’t right here, that things go painfully wrong.

What do I mean when I say love is the truth? I mean to properly give and receive love one must know who they are. One must acknowledge their flaws as well as their undisputed beauties. What makes you a good catch? What baggage do you need to shed? What kind of partner is your ideal? What are their character traits (hard worker, religious, adventurous?) Are you putting yourself in places where you’re likely to meet them? Are you emotionally ready to accept them when you do meet? What kind of joint life do you want? We must know our whole selves and what we want in order to effectively find or recognize it when it appears before us.

I’m not saying we need to walk around with lists in our pockets and purses. No. What I’m saying is that self-examination is crucial in finding and more importantly keeping love alive.

Finding the Perfect Partner

The first step in finding a compatible partner is to break away from the ant colonies and subcultures of life and BE INTERESTING. Be a good partner. One of the worst things one can do in dating (and in life), is to be uninteresting. How many times have we read “I love to go for long walks, to read and to enjoy quiet time?” While there isn’t anything wrong with those activities, there is nothing about them that tells another person why you’re special. What activities can you get into that are not so common? Kayaking? Woodworking? Pastry baking? Tutoring illiterate adults? What can you do that will make a person stop and take notice when you begin sharing about yourself?

The goal here is to be of real interest to everyone you come in contact with; to be the kind of person who others love to be around and converse with. Bonus points for choosing an activity that will double as exercise and gets your body in optimal shape at the same time. Is sexy and interesting not a rarity these days? You’re already a top candidate if you put yourself in this hard-to-find but much sought after group. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual or if you identify as femme, butch, stud, boi, AG or any of the other million labels we have for ourselves these days. Love is love. Boring is boring and no one wants it. Be interesting.

If you’re currently on the dull side, find something exciting to do with your life. Not only will it make you interesting to others, you will meet new people outside of your current social circle. I know that may be intimidating for some people but if your current friends haven’t done anything to enhance your life lately then you need to be expanding anyway. Don’t make any excuses about never having been a certain type of person. So what? You are not your past or your previous behaviors and you can be anything you want to be. Take a risk and expand who you are so that you’re more desirable. Notice I didn’t say change who you are; there is nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t tapped all the potential you have inside. I’m an advocate of expanding and enhancing, not necessarily changing just to try and be some ideal created by other people. Be true to you. This way you have depth and you don’t have to worry (not so much anyway) about people making fun of you for trying new things. It’s a natural human tendency to want to avoid rejection and mockery even if it means suffering in silence. Don’t kid yourself and say it won’t make you feel uncertain if your current friends don’t understand your growth. Some will and some won’t, but what’s more important—creating the life you want or running in place with them wishing things were different? When you have depth vs. all out change, you can be whatever part of you best fits your surroundings. Go for it.

Click HERE for Part 2, “Staying In Love”

 

 

What are your thoughts?

  1. Jasmine left a comment on July 28, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    I truly enjoyed reading this. It was very accurate and positive. It lacked cynicism and was full of insight. I am looking forward to part 2.

  2. Thank you, Jasmine. I’m working on part two right now.

  3. […] Yesterday I began to tackle a subject I often get a lot of questions about: Love. How does one find and maintain it? While I do not claim to be a complete expert, I have been fortunate enough to learn some lessons very early in my life when it comes to this topic and am more than happy to share them if it means saving someone else missteps and misery! […]

  4. […] the links to “How to Find the Perfect Life Partner, Stay in Love and Make it Last”  Part 1 and Part […]

  5. Jean left a comment on October 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    I found this article very interesting and helpful. It reminded me of this other blog I read by Dr. Lisa Firestone recently. http://www.psychalive.org/2009/11/seven-qualities-of-an-ideal-partner/

  6. Kate left a comment on October 31, 2015 at 4:08 am

    Wow!! Amazing stuff and good motivation to me. I would share this with all my friends

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